Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My balls are so social today.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
