dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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