Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
