did you get engaged???
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
