ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
