there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
as a side note pls kill me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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