She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
