DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
