trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is my gift to your gina
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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