i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
