every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
