i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
