So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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