Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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