we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
