she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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