i permit you to call me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
