she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
