How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
