he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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