i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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