and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
