Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
