my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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