My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
