Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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