i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize