guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
