I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize