He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
