I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
