I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
