When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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