Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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