My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
