how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
