Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
