Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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