If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
