You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
