Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
