if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
