No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize