They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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