You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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