fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
