guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
