Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize