You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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