There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
