i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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