so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
