Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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