I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
