I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
