I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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