walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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