i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize