Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize