Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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