I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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