Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jerry, you need to find god
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
