Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
