My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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