respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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