you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
