the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
