mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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