Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
