apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
