great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
