I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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