I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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